Front Row Seats to Someone else’s Reality

Privilege. It comes in varying degrees and for most of my early life I never saw mine. The last 16 years I saw my privilege loud and clear every day at work. But now in this new environment I see so much more privilege than I can ever hope to have someday. I am fully aware that the grass is not always greener on the other side but when everyone waters and tends to the yard in an ecosystem that is conducive to growing grass it’s going to flourish. I have lived so much of my life in survival mode and yet I still feel privileged. A steady income, roof over my head and loved ones in my life to help when I am in need. It feels

 selfish to want more when others only dream of survival mode, they are only existing and experiencing struggles that could easily be avoided if the wealth was spread and the world focused on helping instead of fighting and hating people that are different. 

This PNW neighborhood is full of affluent white people and some affluent Asians. I do not see law enforcement in tactical gear. Children roam freely in the neighborhood with confidence and dogs get their daily walks as do elderly people. This peace is the privilege I see on screen and tell myself it doesn’t really exist. The truth is that it doesn’t exist for me where I come from. My husband and Penny have been attacked twice walking in our neighborhood by unleashed dogs. The elderly stay in doors to be protected from the heat and the there are not that many places they can go that is with in walking distance, in face most of the neighborhoods do not have side walks. 

I enjoy people watching from my favorite sister’s patio. It makes me want more out of life and this peace is intoxicating. 

You will probably get tired of me repeating myself but I LOVE this climate. I LOVE being outside here. Of course there is negative voice that whispers in the back of my head tells me I don’t belong here and everyone can tell. My skin tone, RBF, bank balance and TexMex accent is my biggest insecurity here. Am I destined to always feel out of place or unwanted?